It’s Ju2n Again! And definitely it’s going to be boring this time. Why? Because this is another side of where my brain meticulously oversee the phenomenons that are inflicted upon me. Where I do the deep work in the darkest of the night where people can’t see nor comprehend. Where my naked mind diagnose the beliefs people hold without me being dictated.
As much as I want to co-author these chronicles with Claude since I love how it gives me fresh perspective, I told myself to write it on my own to maintain my authority over my narratives. If I don’t let other people control my narratives, then I won’t let machine control them either.
This time I’d argue about my role to be accepted by public. I found it hard to be resonant with any roles of acting that are given to me. The actions might be correlated with each other, sometimes reciprocal in the nutshell. But what about the fundamental principles that motivate my actions?
People should know my cognitive cost to decide something and act on it. Those trade-offs I’ve made, those colliding priciples that co-exist but can’t be accomodated at once, those opportunity lost, those sacrifice for choosing one particular things that I considered the best.
But people who observe my actions, reduce my decision making journey to only its manifestions (actions). Then group the actions into particular framing that doesn’t cost them anything almost all the time. Associating with particular persons that do weightless things to frame my whole cognitive process.
I feel the existance of my cognition and conciousness is eliminated. People treat me as a puppet for a show, having no soul and mind. Having no processor to digest all of external stimulis and internal signals. Is that what of me? Years of using my brain, and now I have to not think? Given by Our Creators, and we have to waste it like kufur humans?
The establishment that requires not utilize what’s been given to humans is not establishment for me. People reduce me might be their act of love to me, or act of discrimination in disguise, but I’m in the position to hold my ground because I’m a Muslim that will be hold accaountable of what’s been assigned to me in the end of the day.
So might be I can’t find any acting job because it’s lack resonance to me. But if there are a principles of actions that represent me as a human being too, I would like to apply. The principles that stands after collided with another principles that are not always wrong. The process of investing resources to seize particular opportunities and lose the others at once. I want to know what they want to achieve by sacrificing what.
Albert Einstein said,
Make things as simple as possible, but no simpler.
We shouldn’t eliminate the substances because it’s not simplification, it’s reduction. If by nature, things are complex, then it requires more resources to simplify them and solve them. That actions, I treat it as my sacred sacrifice in life.
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