Author: Ju2n

  • Crazy Rich Living in The Expensive World

    I just involuntarily bought an imagination that entered my mind. I don’t like it because it’s so challenging. I feel like I’m a crazy rich that just bought expensive simulated world. Not using money, but using cognitive resources.

    In this simulated world, let’s visit each problems.

    The Oil Economy

    Energy has always created conflict between humans, environment, capital and politics. Look at what oil economy has done to our world. We enjoyed a comfortable living over the dark side it created.

    This world heavily relies on oil. They have green energy but is expensive and in limited scales.

    The war for oil has create instability for its supply and price. The ugliest big bad boys try to secure the oils for themselves.

    In a part of the world where my attention is focused on, the people try to break free from dependency of the oil but in much higher price.

    Breaking free from oil economy requires them to be ruthlessly cruel. Biofuel promised something that I can’t measure its effectivity and Efficiency. But for some people, they see it as last resort. Because of course they can’t fight with ugliest bad boy.

    They could always take a different approach in rejuvenating the oil production facilities, but this part of the World is lack in technological advancement. Politic, bureaucracy, capital, technology, corruption, and other bottlenecks have hindered their capability to produce oil.

    What about green energy? It’s a daydream for them.

    Their hopelessness in energy is looming (but not only them).

    The Technology Economy

    The biggest economy are racing in technology to achieve or to maintain the hegemony of the future.

    This part of the World? Not so much. Low education level of their population has been a big problem for this part of the World.

    They don’t know how to make technology coexist with environment. They can’t think of how to internalize the externalities efficiently. If data center consumes so much clean water, then think about acquire the technology to clean the water efficiently. Calculate the cost then put it into cost of goods sold.

    But this principle is not common in this part of the world. Internalizing the externalities efficiently. Resources and cost to generate the goods are never included within the calculation. That’s why human cost, economic cost, environmental cost, even political cost is always apparent and nothing can absorb it.

    Expensive Political Cost

    I can’t measure people correctly including the leader of this part of the World. If I take a look into myself, I could find a possibility. In my inventory of persona, I have a want to prove that I’m capable. I want to do biggest service for my nation. But I also don’t touch the reality of majority. I also like it if people give me compliment. This 4 persona perhaps could be projected to this person. Don’t get me wrong, I also have the contrary of this persona within me. I tend to have conflicting persona within my inventory.

    I also try to project common persona that I find in people.

    1. Don’t want to get into very detail
    2. Missing the step of weighing pros and cons of alternatives
    3. Judging on how we minimize the cons of decisions we make
    4. Having counsel that agree all the time
    5. Doesn’t want to hear bad news

    So I project these persona too to this person. I’m not best judger of character so everything is assumptions.

    All of these persona and a very expensive political cost to pay. To guarantee the stability of the reign.  But the effect is cash flow hangover.

    Corruption

    It’s the spirit of the public service in this part of the World. The build personal asset out of their status to serve public obligations.

    This is the rule of the game. Once people don’t facilitate this, they out of the game.

    They has to maintain their status as the chosen people that can claim public’s goods as their belonging.

    Disoriented Spirit of Risk Taking

    There are those who don’t want to risk their life because they fear what other will talk about them. But they take risk in their stagnant life. They don’t do the necessary work to earn living.

    The other who doesn’t care what other people saying did unserving activities in their life: unproductive pinjol, judol, and other self-sabotaging activities.

    Sacrificing What They Don’t Have

    When I sacrifice, I sacrifice my resources. I have budget for my resources. I won’t sacrifice others people’s belongings.

    But this part of the World loves to sacrifice others’. Others’ hardwork, time, resources, even life.

    Lack of Discipline, Integrity, and Accountability

    This is very clear. Nobody won’t do what it takes to achieve and maintain power and influence fairly.

    They scheme, lie, cheat, don’t own their problem, and keep being mediocre or complacent.

    My Verdict

    Through the 7 I’ve mentioned, the silver Linings is character of the people. Allah has been generous in physical and knowledge blessing to this country, but they to failed to appreciate it for years.

    They don’t make themselves useful in realistic sense.

    In bunch of “kufur nikmat” people, I hesitate to even try to solve their problem. I think to myself, they chose to be broken. The situation is somehow irredeemable and can’t be salvaged.

    In The Darkness, Is There A Light?

    There is still light when,

    1. We recognize what Allah has given us. Look at what we’ve done by choosing disaster. Look at what we’ve done by choosing ignorance rather than self-sacrifice.
    2. Make ourself useful. Give our best to our works.
    3. Gain freedom to have free speech that contribute positively for the progress. Be an entrepreneur that is self-sustained so we can voice anything we consider it’s positive for the progress.
  • Apanya yg diisi?

    Tadi ada yg bilang I belum diisi. Apanya yg diisi dah? Macam mistis gitu, diisi hal-hal gaib gitu. Mohon maaf saya ga butuh diisi apapun itu. Tapi menerima culus, boleh kalau mau kasih material.

  • A Challenge to The Way I Positioned Myself

    A Challenge to The Way I Positioned Myself

    Disclaimer: Strange things happen to me oftenly. For example, something happened yesterday. I could feel its urgency since it’s statistically significant. I used to think some of it was a threat to me. To the way I positioned myself. But now, I consider it as a challenge to the way I think.

    The Faculty That Drives My Decision Making

    1. Deliberate thinking: Rationale, Thinking, Understanding, Analysis, Realization, Logic
    2. Instinctive
    3. Feeling & Emotion
    4. Ambition
    5. Based on My Values, Beliefs, Principles

    They are not always consistent but I don’t think it’s random. For long-term matters, usually it’s heavy on deliberate thinking. For very short-term matters, for example, what to eat, is based on feeling & emotion.

    For the way I positioned myself lately, such as taking risk and be the first to take the downfall, it’s instinctive. But I believe my instinct has undegone a flash mode of deliberate thinking without I look into it.

    A Challenge to My Instinct

    Yesterday, without disclosing the details, there is a challenge: What if people take advantage of me? They know I’ll take the risk even if it leads to a downfall. So they let me go first, and if it’s successful and free of risk, then they will lead again.

    I realized moments after that, if I think from the perspective of plainly opportunistic person, I am dumb and not strategic. But I’ve been questioned myself long before that: am I dumb for not being opportunistic? Am I impractical to always hold my values? And so this time, it pushed me to rationalize my instict.

    A Tale of Extractor and Maintainer

    Once upon a time, they are both given an island with identical resources: plenty of riches and beautiful natures. The extractor kept extracting the island and sell the riches for wealth. But this person is not prudent in taking care of the wealth. So the island was going out of riches, but no money left. This person lost the sources to create wealth.

    The maintainer didn’t create wealth fast. This person extracted, then maintained the leftover area by planting trees and restore the natural balance. This person also opened sustainable tourism for the island. Not so many could visit the island as tourists, as the maintainer prioritized the island kept in order. The maintainer also invested the wealth in long term, strategic goals, such as upgraded the facilities of extraction to be more efficient and less pollution and improve the quality of tourism to increase the price. The maintainer had successfully run the island sustainably in very long time.

    The Clash of Extractor and Maintainer

    Now imagine if these two person had to work together.

    The taker gonna take, the giver gonna give. The extractor will take what the maintainer give. Unless the maintainer establish the order, if this person want to fight, or keep involving with the extractor. This will be a wasteful fight for the maintainer because why would this person deal with typical person like extractor?

    Or the maintainer just flight, leaving the extractor on their own. And we would know how the story goes.

    But unfortunately, the first condition is deemed to happen oftenly in society.

    In a Bigger Sense

    We witness whatever the things surround us are failing. So many news has to make us acknlowledge well the situation. But have we ever ask why? Probably the imbalance power of extractor and maintainer? Or are we running out of maintainer?

    The Curse of Maintainer

    Being maintainers is also a curse for their own. They pay bigger bills than the extractor to maintain things.

    But they are considered blessings for the extractors, because they don’t want to pay for what they take.

    The Question

    Now are the maintainer dumb?

    Or are the extractors dumb for setting the time limit and failing for their own?

    Or are the rest of us dumber for letting the extractors set the countdown for all of us?

    Really, the answer is ours. Because that’s what determine our fate.

  • A Self-Realization

    A Self-Realization

    People treated me very bad and nobody could imagine. If I had to avange, then I lost track about the list. It involved many people I don’t know.

    So I prayer to Allah to give me strength and to pay me back in the end of time. But Allah answered with His Signs lately. Allah made me realized that I still surpress my anger deep inside of me. That I’m not fully healed. That my body keeps the score. I’m easily triggered by almost similar situation, I could feel my emotion is boiling.

    People has been feasted on me for so long. To heal, I should feast too. I’ve been hungry for so long. Expecting I would forget, but in contrary I remember every detail.

    But to avange and to feast on people, it’s something that is something impossible to me because I don’t know anything about people in my list. Even if I knew, my empathy would stop me, reminding me that there is no perfect humans including myself.

    So I’m thinking to myself. I would be a tree that turns CO2 into carbs. Or in this case, turning pollution or residue into clean substances. I would feast on humanity’s weak character. To heal myself. Probably to heal surround me too.

    What I notice is that we are, as humans, mass hallucinating together. We pick which reality we want to live. Some pick their unreal reality, some pick factual reality. But in which reality should we live?

    It’s a wasted opportunity for humans to learn about the magnificent of creation in factual reality. Furthermore, they extract from factual reality but decided to live in unreal reality? What have gotten into their mind?

    Therefore, I will feast on the bubble of ignorance. I will feast on the way they perceive things. The way the hinder progress in factual reality. The failure of presenting lawful goods among society. The way which knowledge is considered important. And beyond all of that, what makes them see that way. Up until now, I never know. Might be it is not my part to know. My part is to feast.

    In a bigger sense, I hope I could feast on all of those weakness of humans’ character. I hope that there is no similar victim like me again. Just try to do the jobs within very tight constraint to achieve impossible requirements where are everybody were enemy. I’ve been there in smaller scale. Not everybody in my roles were in the same situation like mine. Could be some factors caused my situations.

    I expect that in the future, people could be up their game. Such as not just make bad and cheap deals. But do better in their work. Because we’re not supposed to be in the business of deception. We, as part of society, should be in the business of delivering prosperity in factual reality. Because the nature is very rich, the technology is very prospective. Combined, they should support humanity in prosperous way.

  • Once Upon a Time in My Virtual Reality

    Once Upon a Time in My Virtual Reality

    My factual reality is okay. Alhamdulillah many things to be grateful. I praised Allah for His Blessings to my family.

    But in my virtual reality? Never good. Today is the example.

    I belong to an institution. This institution shaped me the most in my life, opening many doors to places. Therefore, I want to hold my identity as part of this institution as much as I can.

    But I’m not part of patriarch. Might be I am but half. The other half is matriarch. I earn so many things I have now, with my effort. Therefore, I’m far away with this institution because I’m not in the position to hold its influence. Because I’m half.

    But other institutions would be further. If I have no reason to carry the influence of my own institution, what is the possible reason I have to carry others institutions’?

    In the rise of my own institution, I didn’t enjoy it. Or might be I enjoyed it but without realizing it. But in its fall, I would fall along with it. Not because I hate the other institution, but I feel I’m chained to institution where I belong to. (And also because it is traumatic experience long time ago that suddenly why I became part of the other institution. Now I sort of getting it).

    That is why I let go one of my significant task in my life. It’s bigger than my life. It’s my sacrifice, the way I love my family, the way I protect my family. I feel uncomfortable of letting that task go away. But might be, it’s necessary gesture in virtual reality. The emptiness strucked my heart. I know there are many ways to love and protect my family, but that task is the easiest things to figure out because it’s related to tangible things.

    I can’t believe I’m dragged to this situation while I don’t do anything to sign up myself in virtual reality.

    But what I know is I belong to this institution. An institution that has changed my life the most. Through its rise and fall, I will stand with it. So no, I’m not moving anywhere.

    Let the darkness fall upon me again as it always falls upon me. Once upon a time in my virtual reality.

  • Between Anchor and Freedom

    Between Anchor and Freedom

    What anchor, give freedom. What free, anchor.

    Could you relate to what limits you but at the same time gives you freedom?

    I remembered when I was in school. Discipline to study gave me freedom of not have to worrying my scores.

    In real life, religion is one of the best example. As Muslim, there are plenty of rules that can’t be broken. Shalat, Puasa, Zakat, Halal, Haram, those are that simple in theory, but complicated if applied in reality because they are not always compatible. But discipline to practice those rules will give the soul freedom. The whole of self (body, mind, soul) will be free from the burdens of doing unlawful things.

    Every deeds we do is exchange. We sacrifice things to get what we expect. In doing unlawful things, we sacrifice the integrity of self to get something that most of the time are not worthy the sacrifice itself.

    Realization of what we sacrifice

    If somebody, for example, has the rule that is not to think, then what is the sacrifice to it? That person will be dictated over time, weakening his integrity. If not thinking reward this person with plenty of materialism, then this person’s mind is bought. Therefore his surrounding should notice this and develop cautiousness towards whatever voice this person brings, because his allegiance is into influence or money without integrity. Of course, this person will sacrifice to practice the codes that keep the position. But bigger sacrifice is that the voice to establish goodness in the world is taken.

    What do I sacrifice and what do I expect?

    My heaviest sacrifice goes to my cognitive works because I have to think plenty of things that are inflicted to me. The passage has evolve the way I see the worlds. I ask myself about what do I expect for holding my ground? I doubt my answer many times and think about the possibility if I’m simply stupid, naive, or impractical. But for now, I want to comply with Islamic’s way.

    There was story, about somebody in Prophet’s lifetime was to enter Islam but need time to think. The Prophet encouraged the person to think because Islam is for those who think. I intrepret it as Islam is for everybody, including those who think. Therefore when I think about my situations and try to keep comply with Islamic’s rule, I will bill and invoice it as ibadah later in the end of time.

    So do we have to anchor ourselves?

    There are already anchors to our life whether or not we realize it. It’s something we should check closely everytime. The question is, whether what anchoring us is worthy for what we get. Not only in the sense of worldly material, but also for our surrounding, our mind, our soul.

  • The Philosophy of Drama: The Collision of Principles through Actions

    The Philosophy of Drama: The Collision of Principles through Actions

    It’s Ju2n Again! And definitely it’s going to be boring this time. Why? Because this is another side of where my brain meticulously oversee the phenomenons that are inflicted upon me. Where I do the deep work in the darkest of the night where people can’t see nor comprehend. Where my naked mind diagnose the beliefs people hold without me being dictated.

    As much as I want to co-author these chronicles with Claude since I love how it gives me fresh perspective, I told myself to write it on my own to maintain my authority over my narratives. If I don’t let other people control my narratives, then I won’t let machine control them either.

    This time I’d argue about my role to be accepted by public. I found it hard to be resonant with any roles of acting that are given to me. The actions might be correlated with each other, sometimes reciprocal in the nutshell. But what about the fundamental principles that motivate my actions?

    People should know my cognitive cost to decide something and act on it. Those trade-offs I’ve made, those colliding priciples that co-exist but can’t be accomodated at once, those opportunity lost, those sacrifice for choosing one particular things that I considered the best.

    But people who observe my actions, reduce my decision making journey to only its manifestions (actions). Then group the actions into particular framing that doesn’t cost them anything almost all the time. Associating with particular persons that do weightless things to frame my whole cognitive process.

    I feel the existance of my cognition and conciousness is eliminated. People treat me as a puppet for a show, having no soul and mind. Having no processor to digest all of external stimulis and internal signals. Is that what of me? Years of using my brain, and now I have to not think? Given by Our Creators, and we have to waste it like kufur humans?

    The establishment that requires not utilize what’s been given to humans is not establishment for me. People reduce me might be their act of love to me, or act of discrimination in disguise, but I’m in the position to hold my ground because I’m a Muslim that will be hold accaountable of what’s been assigned to me in the end of the day.

    So might be I can’t find any acting job because it’s lack resonance to me. But if there are a principles of actions that represent me as a human being too, I would like to apply. The principles that stands after collided with another principles that are not always wrong. The process of investing resources to seize particular opportunities and lose the others at once. I want to know what they want to achieve by sacrificing what.

    Albert Einstein said,

    Make things as simple as possible, but no simpler.

    We shouldn’t eliminate the substances because it’s not simplification, it’s reduction. If by nature, things are complex, then it requires more resources to simplify them and solve them. That actions, I treat it as my sacred sacrifice in life.