My factual reality is okay. Alhamdulillah many things to be grateful. I praised Allah for His Blessings to my family.
But in my virtual reality? Never good. Today is the example.
I belong to an institution. This institution shaped me the most in my life, opening many doors to places. Therefore, I want to hold my identity as part of this institution as much as I can.
But I’m not part of patriarch. Might be I am but half. The other half is matriarch. I earn so many things I have now, with my effort. Therefore, I’m far away with this institution because I’m not in the position to hold its influence. Because I’m half.
But other institutions would be further. If I have no reason to carry the influence of my own institution, what is the possible reason I have to carry others institutions’?
In the rise of my own institution, I didn’t enjoy it. Or might be I enjoyed it but without realizing it. But in its fall, I would fall along with it. Not because I hate the other institution, but I feel I’m chained to institution where I belong to. (And also because it is traumatic experience long time ago that suddenly why I became part of the other institution. Now I sort of getting it).
That is why I let go one of my significant task in my life. It’s bigger than my life. It’s my sacrifice, the way I love my family, the way I protect my family. I feel uncomfortable of letting that task go away. But might be, it’s necessary gesture in virtual reality. The emptiness strucked my heart. I know there are many ways to love and protect my family, but that task is the easiest things to figure out because it’s related to tangible things.
I can’t believe I’m dragged to this situation while I don’t do anything to sign up myself in virtual reality.
But what I know is I belong to this institution. An institution that has changed my life the most. Through its rise and fall, I will stand with it. So no, I’m not moving anywhere.
Let the darkness fall upon me again as it always falls upon me. Once upon a time in my virtual reality.
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